Politic Bites

Use Those Funds Raised, Fellas

You really want to be (re)elected? Impress Us!

I just saw an article that a colleague wrote about how much money President Obama has raised for his campaign for re-election: $53 million. That’s more money than most of us will ever see, yet politicians raise this much and more each year for their stupid campaigns—only to be paid more by us once they are elected. And as most of us Americans are scrimping and saving, painstakingly planning what we’ll spend our much-needed income tax refunds on our falling-apart homes or on the bills we’re behind on or, in my case, a chunk from one—the US tax—to another—our state tax.

Instead of raising so many millions for their crappy campaigns and hate videos and whatever else they’re planning on, however, the candidates should raise this money and really impress us by spending it on something else—like the poor, or any of our many failing systems. Could you imagine how many supporters Obama might have if he gave his money to Planned Parenthood, for example—stopping the closings of the clinics that have had to shut their doors this year? How about if Romney gave away a couple of his millions to, say, fill a few food banks that are in dire need right now? How about if either one helped build a couple of houses for Habitat for Humanity, or even bought lunch for a bunch of homeless Americans?

It’s not like they’ll lose the publicity; not only will their special interest friends pool money and ads together for them, but the media isn’t about to let them just disappear anytime soon, either. How about this strategy, fellas? Spend all of your campaign dollars on helping poor Americans, then do plenty of good deeds—fulfill promises you made, help clean up parks, volunteer at shelters, help people find jobs individually, whatever—for the media to just cover for your publicity. There you have it!

You can still get your volunteers to phonebank for you (and hire me as your campaign manager, obviously—this especially goes for you, Mr. President) and hit the streets to canvass door to door, but instead of giving out flyers, give them a few talking points to say while saving some trees in the process and really putting your money where your mouth is. Impress us! Show us that you really give a damn instead of just saying that you do.

Can You Be Humane And a Horror Fan?

My sources say yes. My sources are mainly me.

Recently I read an article about how people who practice humane values and want to make the world a better place should also refrain from enjoying horror entertainment in order to keep their lives and thoughts in general more peaceful. While my family and I strive to maintain a very peaceful, humane, and just lifestyle, I still enjoy plenty of horror films and books—and I think that these two things do not need to be mutually exclusive. In fact, I think a healthy dose of one may even help promote the other.

Think about it; if you’re not exposed to horror, how do you know what the opposite should look like? We do have plenty of real life scenarios, from human trafficking to child abuse, to do this already—but we can also look to people like George Orwell or Richard Matheson to show us how much worse it could definitely get if we don’t maintain these values.

That, of course, is not a good enough reason—but how about freedom in general? The freedom to read or watch whatever you choose is integral to keeping democracy alive, just as much as keeping the freedom to speak is. I can certainly vouch for how much more complicated and irritating your life can become if you limit yourself based on a belief system. These choices should be left up to each individual alone.

But the real, number one reason that you can both practice a humane lifestyle while still staying interested in horror entertainment is that you want to do it in the first place. If you enjoy getting scared by things that go bump in the night or even by haunted houses, there’s nothing wrong with exercising your own imagination as long as that’s where it stays—in the imaginative world. Sometimes I wonder what the Law of Attraction will bring forth for people who constantly think about, say, zombies (or unicorns, for that matter)! I don’t think we’re in danger of manifesting fantasy creatures, so as long as that remains an impossibility, we’re okay in fantasizing and continuing to enjoy our HP Lovecraft and Guillermo del Toro. Part of making changes to create a more humane lifestyle includes maintaining your own sense of self and not sacrificing things that don’t need to be—and one of these few things is your own imagination.

Now, if I ever manifest a hairless creature with eyeballs in his hands, well, we might want to stop…

Groundhog’s Day is a Pompous Old White Guy Holiday

I say we take it back and make it something else.

Did you watch this BS the other day? I looked up the video of ol’ Phil, our faithful groundhog, to show my daughter on Groundhog’s Day just so she could see what all of the hoopla was about, and since I haven’t seen it myself since I was a child—my philosophy always being who cares, and that since the weather man always had a 50-50 shot at being right, so did a rodent—I guess I was not prepared for the ridiculousness that was the Groundhog’s Day celebration. It was like a bunch of old men auditioning for the role of The Penguin in Batman 47, all making a huge deal about a poor animal who probably just wanted to sleep.

My daughter was utterly confused and bored as we tried to fast-forward through all of the self-congratulatory hat-tips that all of these self-important old men smiled their way through, and I think that I learned something this Groundhog’s Day. I learned that Groundhog’s Day is a lot like our political system—the electoral college, the process itself, the lack of true democracy in everything from where our taxes go to what laws are passed while our heads are turned. It’s a bunch of old, outdated, traditional bull crap, and it’s ready for some sweeping changes.

Look, I already know that Groundhog’s Day, or February 2, is also Brigid or Imbolc—that is the actual holiday we celebrate in our home. But no matter how many ducks and bunnies, greens and reds, and other pagan symbols we incorporate into modern day Christian-hijacked holidays, you know that actual pagan holidays will never be embraced by the ever-growing evangelical United States, right? So while I think that simply taking the holiday back as a Celtic festival would be best, that’s not going to happen nationwide, so let’s brainstorm something else.

How about, say, Indigenous Peoples’ Day? I still want Columbus Day changed to that, but we all know that’s going to happen any day now (excuse my snark). Perhaps Let Women Control Their Own Bodies Day (thankyouverymuch, Susan G. Komen for the Cure!)? I am sure we’d all appreciate The Day We All Got Free Healthcare Like the Rest of the Damn Developed World Day—at least, most of the lower middle class folks that I know (and that’s most of the people I know) sure would. How about No More Money in Politics Day? Whatever we choose has got to be far superior than Old Men in Topcoats Gushing Over a Big Brown Rat Day.